5

I was 5 the first time I felt a man's hand on my body…

The first time I put my tiny hand on a man’s body

While my other hand gripped onto my teddy bear.

I knew it was wrong,

I don't think I knew why it was wrong,

But it was wrong.

He was so tall, I was 5.

But I knew he wasn't supposed to touch me.

It felt wrong. But he had my best interests at heart.

He wouldn’t hurt me. He’s my cousin .

He was 17.

12

That’s how old I was the second time I felt a man's hand on my body...

It made me uncomfortable. He was my teacher

It was just a cosy hug, I guess and a hand between my thighs.

I should have done my homework, I wouldn’t have needed to stay in class during break.

My bottle green uniform skirt shouldn't have been above my knees anyway,

The school rules say so .

He was 40.

15

I was 15 when I felt my uncle's hand on my body...

I guess I shouldn't have been showing cleavage anyway

At least he just groped my breast, it could have been worse.

Besides, my brother’s wedding is next week.

I won’t be a party pooper, it wasn’t rape. It’s not that deep.

He was 48.

17

I was 17 when I felt a complete stranger's hand on my body...

I just wanted to get into the taxi and go home.

Remind me again why I wore tights?

I was on my period, a random man grabbed my bum,

Reminded me that I was a woman.

How could I fight him with so many men around? They laughed.

He looked like he was in his 30s.

22

I was 22 when the caretaker where I lived tried to come and sleep with me

Because he knew I was alone in the house.

I was scared to go and shower, cook.

I could hear his footsteps outside my door.

I was scared to go and eat.

Don’t call home, they have enough problems already .

I called the landlord.

“Don't mind him”, he said.

“You know how men are. It's because you're sexy”

He was 29.

Life went on. “We move” they say.

I'm in quarantine now, I'm facing my demons.

I am 25

They've probably forgotten about me.

Men I knew, and men I didn't know.

I shouldn’t have been too nice

I shouldn't have worn a short skirt.

I shouldn't have been alone with him.

NO! He shouldn't have touched me!

His lack of respect is not on me!

His decision to choose his satisfaction over my dignity is not on me!

I was… worthy then

I am worthy now

I was whole then

I am whole now

I am Conquering, Overcoming, Standing, Breathing.

I am HEALING.

Ruvimbo Musiyarira is a 25 years old Zimbabwean. She is an international relations graduate and currently pursuing a Master degree in public management and policy at the University of Pretoria. She is an academic tutor in public administration and also works as a photographer and writer for her university. Ruvimbo is passionate about education and women’s rights and strives to do her part in eradicating corruption in Africa.

Ruvimbo loves music, singing, travelling and experiencing different cultures. She is passionate about ethics and loves everything related to the African continent.